The Father of a soon-to-be Bride

This Post Is For All Fathers Who Have Daughters: Day One: In about 20 minutes or so, a young man will be visiting us to convince my lovely and effervescent wife, Lindsey and I, that he is a worthy suitor for my daughter Kendall. This should be good.... I am actually rooting for the guy. So far, all of my contact with him has led me to believe he is either a really great guy or one of the world’s greatest suckups... He called me earlier this week to discuss his valentine’s plans for Kendall. I have to say if I wasn't married, male and 42yrs old, I would even like this guy. Having said that, I still maintain my right as Kendall’s father to invite this young man out to a remote location for a hunting accident...Oops, I mean hunting trip, should he harm my little girl in any way. I am certain that a jury of my peers would likely acquit me... More later... Day Two: So, Kendall's potential suitor has just been by to meet Lindsey, Taylor, and I. He dropped off his bags and spent a few minutes with us before being whisked away to safety by Kendall. The expression on his face when he met us reminded me of a deer standing in the middle of the road at night, about to be run down by a semi truck... Kendall told me he was just tired.... I think he was askeerd Other than what looked like abject terror in his eyes; he seems like a nice guy. In light of this, jury selection has been postponed until more discoveries are made... Perhaps we'll be able to get better acquainted at the possum and squirrel roadkill bar-b-que that Kendall's employer planned for this evening. Day Three: Let's see now, The young man vying for the attentions of my daughter has been here for a few days. He will be returning home tomorrow. (Presumably, with a tearful goodbye provided by my daughter.) I thought I would provide a brief overview of my thoughts regarding this young man. My wife suggests that I try to be more 'positive' in describing my thoughts. Okay... 1. He doesn't smell 2. His hair looks fairly normal 3. Nothing is protruding out of his body in unusual places like his nose and eyebrow, etc.. 4. He can carry on a conversation using words of more than one syllable. 5. He appears to honor the wishes of Kendall’s parents. (This perturbs Kendall a great deal, I think.) 6. He doesn't smoke in our presence. (Yes, it's true. But one can't have everything. I'm sure that with the proper amount of manipulation and coercion, this will be taken care of.) 7. He is not so ugly that my grandchildren will be picked on for being freaks of nature, should he and Kendall marry and dare I say it, have children. 8. He appears to tell Kendall what to do. (This is very amusing to watch!) 9. He has asked if he can help me with various construction projects underway at the Fine family compound. (What a suckup). AND last but most certainly not least: 10. He brought his bible with him and it actually looks used. This bodes well from my viewpoint. (Note regarding number 10: I have just learned that the above mentioned bible is not actually his!!! Apparently he couldn't find his bible and took one of his roommates instead. He further states that his bible is even more worn than the one he currently possesses. I am only mildly dubious, but will extend to him the benefit of the doubt.) So to summarize: No hunting accidents this week.